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Sunday, November 2, 2014

Shoe Polish On My Breath

Other than the idiotic Daylight Savings Time messing with my sleep pattern, I woke up with a start at 3 am this morning, as my brain randomly brought up my last blog.  My brain informed me that I may have or surely had insulted my siblings with my suggestion that they needed 6 weeks lead time to think up an excuse for not helping me with Mom.  WOW, what a boneheaded statement and certainly not true at all.

In my effort to be witty with my blog, I ended up being sh...y instead. I have no reservations about how wonderful my siblings are and either available one would not need 6 weeks, or even 6 seconds lead time to decide to help me with Mom if I needed then to.

So in the spirit of the great politicians' standard comeback when they say something boneheaded, "I misspoke", but better than that, I crapped in my hat then put it on and wore it all day until last night when I finally smelled myself.  Shewweeeeee!  You lose all bowel control when you stick your own shoe in your mouth, complete with foot and sock.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Feeling Lonely

So, the wife sez: "my plan has changed" , regarding going to visit her mother. I thought she might have worked out a plan where I could go with her. NOPE! She meant she had figured out a way to combine her trip with work and instead of being gone 2 nights, she will now be gone 5 nights (5 sleeps for the kids reading this).

It seems that the older I get, the less I want to be separated from my better half. This time will be especially trying because my mother is here with me, demanding to go everywhere I go (except to work). My other available siblings are not available without 6 weeks notice, leaving them plenty of time to invent a suitable excuse why she can't stay with them. Hence, my longing for my wife to calm me down whe I get frustrated with Mom.

It is quite frustrating with Mom because everything I say must be repeated 3 times - slowly with loud, correct inunciation! Otherwise I'm accused of mumbling. Then, 5 minutes later, she'll ask something about what was just said, saying she didn't understand what I said. Repeat 3 more times, until I simply quit responding to her inquiries.

Mom's excuse for such activity is that she's "old". She plays the old card like the ace of spades. Game, set, match!